Strings
poem by Justin Walker
content/trigger warnings: references to intravenous drug use
Somehow I have to thank the marriage of knuckles and forearm muscles for giving me a grip letting me let go I used to lay one hand across my upturned forearm opening and closing my fist feeling the waves beneath the skin I have no scars on that part of my arm
dear friend come back sit with me on the swing at sunset
I lost the only lock of hair ever given to me golden curls taken from my cousin’s dead head picking withered blossoms to let them fall ten years ago the snake loosed upon this earth bit fangs dripping fentanyl stopping his big heart his big hands slapped my face many times in public when the funniest thing was embarrassing our parents
hurry down melting popsicles before
His friends explained to the super why they beat their fists bloody on his door missing work and calls for three days heart-size fists thrown against that locked door hearts trapped outside the body men beating their breasts before a stone they can’t roll away
this moment is gone forever before
I was in Detroit when I got the call along the riverwalk the bronze fist of Joe Lewis hangs mid-punch like the last thing his opponents saw before everything went black those big veins that give nurses relief big veins are easier for the needle to find an embroidered cloth covered his unremembered face in rigor mortis couldn’t be softened to look like sleep just the curls on the crown of his head showing not unlike someone putting on a turtleneck
life goes on too long without you before
Please come to my wedding meet me at the beach stand with me on the rock jetty at low tide watch the water wind its way in the sand twist sticks together set them out to float get tossed back to shore take out a sea kayak look for that same turtle we saw burying her eggs on the beach at high tide paddle with the waves pitch the bow to the sloping floor catapulting whoever is seated astern wave at our moms behind their cameras on the beach launch water balloons from the sunset deck to two and three houses over bite our lips to keep from laughing get kicked out of “Reign of Fire” for laughing too loud when McConaughey barks during his fight with Bale and leaps into the dragon's mouth laughing louder in the parking lot
I forget the sound of your laugh before
Sailing from the Bahamas three days of blue water one morning alone at the helm my mates punked out in the rain trying to remember the words to He Went to Paris before sunrise the same two lines on repeat until I remembered the last verse
I lose again
I do too have something better I find it in these lines in this time with you and me in this time without you look at us together look at us looking for you look you found us